My Year in (Biblical) Review

"Thy goodness has been with me during another year, leading me through a twisting wilderness, in retreat helping me to advance, when beaten back making sure headway. Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead; I hoist sail and draw up anchor, with Thee as the blessed Pilot of my future as of my past."


The year 2013 was my first full calender year in adulthood (that is, out of college), and, therefore, one of adjustment.  Going from a life filled with school, work, campus ministry, and people to a life of mostly work, empty apartments (living with 1-3 people with crazy schedules is another world from living with 7-9 that you can't quite seem to get away from even if you tried), and watching my "free-time" become unfruitful in my laziness, apathy and chasing of the wind.  If I am honest, despite all of the good times and laughs I have shared with many, bitterness--aimed toward myself and at my God--seemed to be the champion of my year.  The list of things that caused my bitterness is a long one, and one that I care not to share here, but one can catch a glimpse of the struggles I did write about here and here.  In an unprecedented manner, my faith was put to the test.  The Accuser whispered dangerous lies that I chose to believe far too often.  My Heavenly Father's hand seemed heavy and smiting, and I resented Him for it far too often.

Yet, by the Grace of God in Christ, I am still here.  I am still on the narrow path in spite of all of my foolish wandering and asinine stubbornness.  I could have walked away--but the Lord guided my steps.  I could have crumbled underneath the sins I heaped upon my own shoulders--yet the Lord bore them on His at Golgotha.  The Prodigal life seduced me, but when I was covered with the filth of this world, I returned to my Father, and He clothed me once again as His son.  And, it was by the Grace of the promises He makes in His Word to me that I allowed Him to hold onto me.  I merely want to share those passages.

Lamentations 3:16-33

He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the Lord.”

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not afflict from his heart
or grieve the children of men.

This passage was shared with me by my coworker/community group leader after a conversation we had about fears in life.  In a word, mine is Failure, and through a series of welcome yet challenging questions, the true breadth and depth of my fear of failure and its potential consequences was touched.  It took every ounce of energy to keep myself from burying my face into my hands and weeping, and the only reason I tried so hard was because I was at work.  When I got home, she sent me a text with the entire passage spelled out for encouragement.  The truth was I did feel the Lord's hand against me, threatening to punish me with a life of uselessness and unfulfilled desires and passions that He Himself instilled deep within my heart. Yet, the truth is that His faithfulness is great and His mercy is new every morning--this is something that exists independent of my belief that it is true at any point in time. And, in His unparalleled wisdom, He has laid a heavy yoke on me in this season (albeit an extended one) of my youth. Yet Jeremiah writes that I should fall prostrate in the dust and wait on Jehovah, who is not far off from me. As Charles Spurgeon puts it, "The godly, in their anguish, turn to the hand which smites them."


Psalm 42:5

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

As one who has a quite active internal dialogue with himself, it is comforting to see the Psalmist question his own soul.  He notices that his downcast soul has turned from the face of the Lord, and thus remains downcast.  He may not feel close to the Lord nor any desire to praise Him at this particular point in time, but the fact remains that the Lord is worthy to be praised and undoubtedly will be praised again.  Also, this is not some emotional poem that one man wrote by himself, for himself.  This is a hymn that was sung in the synagogue, with the congregation together asking their souls are downcast and in turmoil, remembering that the Lord "commands His steadfast love, (v. 8), and that we will praise Him again nonetheless.


John 16:33

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

My favorite part of this quote from my Savior is not "overcome the world;" it is "in me."  In a world that craves peace, Christ becomes the Promisor and the Source of peace, of shalom.  I need not look far and wide for peace, nor look for any temporal satisfaction in the world to help me forget my turbulent estate.  I need to look up only at the Crucified.


1 Corinthians 1:27-29

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

I struggle with self-deprecation.  I don't think I am very (insert just about any adjective here that describes a good man) and I left myself know about it quite often.  I often think I am talentless, useless, and not worth anyone's time and effort to make me any better--but Paul asserts that the Lord of the Universe might just have a use for me.  I say, "I am nothing."  Christ says, "Good."


Hebrews 12:3-13

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

When I feel the Lord's hand upon me heavily, it is easy to mistake the feeling as wrath and not discipline.  But, the wrath that was due to me was laid by my Heavenly Father on His Begotten Son so that I may be adopted into the Family of the Kingdom.  He looks upon me in love and sees that I am still sinful and in need of discipline, and does what any father would do by giving it to me.  He does it for my sake, that I may be conformed more to the Image of Christ, and for His sake, so that I may display that Image to glorify His Name on the earth.  Of course, this outlook on the discipline given me is not so cheerful; I know all too well that discipline is not pleasant at the time!  But, the author of Hebrews points to the fact that if I was not disciplined, I would not have a Father, and thus be an illegitimate child--a bastard.  God could have given me up to my sin (Romans 1:28-32) and left me alone.  But no, He crushed Christ so that I may be a son of God and an heir to the Kingdom.  I am thankful that I get to submit to His discipline.  I look back to the beginning of my walk with Him and see that it was His discipline then that has brought me to this point.  In another five years, I will look back on this year and feel the same way, if not more thankful for His stern fatherly love.

Now, as I have fought for and mostly gained the right perspective on what I've gone through this past year, I am exhorted to "therefore lift [my] drooping hands and strengthen [my] weak knees, and make straight paths for [my] feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."  That is my call to go forward--not because it's a new year and I "get a fresh start."  God's mercy in Christ is new every morning, and I am free to move on from the bitterness that has plagued my soul of late.